July 4/5, 2026

That is not a reference to the song, as the lyrics are a bit… confrontationally direct and angry. The bridge is the only mellow, not confrontational part, more like survival advice. And for the rest of my life I will pronounce chimera the Japanese way (key may rah). Hybrid Beast is a great song, but not the inspiration for this latest creative undertaking.

On Friday, (July 3) after work, I decided to work on a mandala. I’ve wanted to make one for a long time, but had to take time off after my bad fall at the beginning of winter. I severely bruised the tendon in my left (dominant) wrist. It’s still not completely recovered (not sure if it ever will be), and as I type this I’m wearing my sturdy brace.

It started with the idea months ago to use the zodiac symbols and make one outer circle layer (like NUL used as a back screen image when they performed “Shiyuu no Tenbin”).

Friday the idea changed so the central portion was the Gemini and Pisces hybrid symbol I created last year. It started as a minimalist tattoo design. I don’t have any Pisces placements in my natal chart, but I do have an affinity for water. It has always brought a sense of comfort and peace since I was a child. Except for the few times I almost drowned. I also have a lot of Pisces traits. Both my parents are Scorpio and two of my brothers are Cancer- water signs. I was the odd one out, being an Air sign.

Next for this design, I decided to use the Greek triangles that represent the four elements. Each element would occupy a quarter of the circle, but in the cardinal directions of North, South, East and West. This is where the math came in… geometry, which is the lesser evil of all advanced mathematics, in my humble opinion.

I added the petals from the Kali symbol (Hindu Goddess of Destruction) around the circle that the Hybrid symbol is in. A Kali themed mandala was the original idea I had for the central portion.

I wanted to use flowers to represent each element- Earth, Water, Fire and Air. But soon found out that there wasn’t enough room in each triangle. And some of the flowers were intricate.

For Water, I used a water lily. They represent rising above adversity, which is something I have plenty of experience with. They also symbolize spiritual awakening, which is what I have been experiencing for over a year and a half now.

For Air, I was going to do a dandelion gone to seed until I found a reference photo with some of the seeds turning into black birds.  I decided that air needed to be a crow in flight.  I used the image from the end of the Yatagarasu video as reference.

So I had one flower and one bird. Sticking with that theme, I decided that fire should be a phoenix instead of a fire lily. Both have similar meanings-transformation/ rebirth. I love fire lilies, but I knew I wanted to use a flower or leaf in the last element.

For Earth, I started with a ginkgo biloba leaf but didn’t like the way it turned out. So I erased it and looked for something else. Next was a Japanese chrysanthemum but the space was too tiny for the details in such a flower. Instead, I went with the next best thing (which actually fits the overall theme better)- higanbana, the flower that represents life, death, rebirth, the fleeting nature of all existence, and the autumn equinox. Autumn will always be my favorite season.

For each element I wrote the corresponding kanji-

Water- mizu  水

Fire- hi  火

Air- kaze  風

Earth- tsuchi  土

In the center circle where the Hybrid symbol is, I added more kanji-

Left side- sky/void- sora 空  (fifth element in Japanese mythology)

Right side- (written vertically to fit) universe- uchuu  宇宙

Bottom- voice- koe  声

Top- heart/mind/soul- kokoro  心

I used Jisho.com to find the correct stroke order. I still struggle to write by hand in Japanese. And for some reason, the kanji that represents my own element as a Gemini, was the hardest.

I then decided that some of Hizumi’s lyrics and my poetry needed to fill the empty spaces. Negative space is important in any design, but there was too much. The lyrics are my translations mostly, or the English he chose to use.

Air- East

Yatagarasu-Let this voice resound through this world of illusions…

Reaching out with black wings to grasp the light

Sunbreak– Till the last breath, toward the faint light

Black Swan– The wind has erased my cries, Who will ever love me?

Rapture– Break my Fear, I’m awake     Dare to Believe

My poetry– Shadows expressed through creativity

Not all love is a cage, sometimes it’s sanctuary

Fire- South

Anima– Embraced by flames, dance into the night

Garnet– Save me from the dark

Rapture– Break my scars, I remain.    Ignite my fate

Karma Agnostic– Breaking dawn, breaking down, Chaotic Sympathy

My poetry– from Musings of Chaotic Sympathy- We keep getting burned until we rise. Like a phoenix from the ashes of our traumas.

Confessing to a ghost… Every word is an exorcism

Water- West

Nomad– I will ascend to the sky and become rain to heal you.

Dive– Even as my heart is screaming, Everyone pretends not to see

Gravity– Everything falls on me, both tears and regrets

Because you are here, if you are here with me

Beautiful– I know those lonely eyes

Rapture– Break my doubt, I’m steady.   Break my fate, I’m ready.

My poetry– Your music flows into my soul, Silencing the chaos

Earth- North

Rapture– Shedding the past, crawling through the darkness.   I am reborn.

Poison Eater– Navigate this absurd world, And strip away any “Poison” , leaving it behind.

Infernal– I love you in this blood-stained world… So we can laugh, Turn Infernal

My poetry– from AVAlanche- I dissolved until the AVAlanche. Then hope bloomed among the ruins of my life… Every day I choose to feel, Because of you.

Alchemize pain into art

As long as I can feel, I know that I’m not dead.

Some people may find it tragic that he is my muse. I have a wealth of experience writing about the abyss, the darkness, pain and all things melancholy. But when it comes to paintings, I find the images his lyrics create in my mind, to be the source of inspiration. And his words have a deep, lasting impact, the likes of which I have seldom experienced.

Gemini, (especially this one), are drawn in by intelligence and word play. His  kindness and a tortured heart I resonate with, were just an added bonus.

I used to just listen to music for the noise and it was a nice distraction for my brain. That all changed the first time I heard Hide Matsumoto’s song “Flame”, the piano version. I felt it, deep inside. To this day, it still brings me to tears.

A lot of Hide’s lyrics are for shock value. This song felt like it was the man behind the outrageous pink hair, wild clothes and twisted, dirty lyrics. I never got to meet him. He died nine years before I even started listening to Japanese music.

I used to dream, frequently, of sitting in a grassy area with him, talking fluently in Japanese. I only remember the nickname he called me when we first met in each dream, but nothing of our actual conversations. What was most memorable was the sense of calm that washed over me. Sitting there, with him, I could let down my guard and just be. Something I have never been able to do in my waking life, until somewhat recently.  

Maybe that’s why I haven’t dreamed of him in a long time. But I miss all of it. His grin when he greeted me, taking my hands in his and then we would sit down. Sometimes side by side, sometimes facing each other. How can I grieve someone I’ve never known in the waking world? Ah, the answer doesn’t matter because it won’t change anything.

The NUL song “Kamigui” off the new album, has such a Hide flare to it that it was like he was still alive and making music. Quite a shock to go from club music title track, to Hide reincarnated. I actually had to pause the song for a moment to regain composure, as I was at work at the time.

But I digress. The reason I called this piece a hybrid beast concept- It’s a mix of Japanese and Western ideas (with a little Greek and Hindu influence), converging into one design. Hand drawn, ink lined, the medium of colored pencils, on a sheet of acid free dry media paper. Not my usual style. And not a traditional mandala.

I started it on Friday about noon. And finished it today, just before noon. I only slept a total of ten hours over two nights (thanks to a neighborhood of fireworks until very late, and also the hyper focus trap).  I only took a couple hours away from it to do chores and grocery shopping yesterday. So roughly, a 36 hour project. With many layers to it. I took pictures of every step, but am only sharing the finished design.

Was it worth it? My wrist would argue that it was not. LOL. However, I am proud of the finished piece. I haven’t done this style of art since the Black Swan drawing I did in 2021. But my ability to blend the colors together hasn’t been lost. I call that a win.

This whole blog came about because when I sent it to Bestie, I realized she would have to zoom in a lot to read my dainty handwriting. And she wouldn’t know which words came from Hizumi’s lyrics or my poetry.

I also haven’t written a blog for the last painting I did. I fully intended to, but life got in the way. So I will share it here as well. I named it “Soul Tribe”. It’s a duality canvas- half black, half white. I used my breath to move the colors into the light and dark, creating new shades. The vibrant colors represent myself and the people I am aligned with on a soul level. Dioxazine Purple for Bestie, Ultramarine Blue for me, Permanent Red for Hizumi, Vermilion for Kishi and Masato (the other members of NUL), Turquoise Green (mixed with a little Titanium White) for my daughter, and Lime Green for the only two coworkers I can actually say I am friends with- Kaleb (Donut Daddy) and Alexis.

There is some texture to the side I call the void. But I am okay with it, because perfection bores me. The spiritual/emotional void is never without challenges, and the texture represents that well, I think.

If you’ve read this far, thank you! I truly appreciate it.

Amanda