I got Texas purged from my computer and all the remnants of things I brought with me are gone. My bestie and her husband helped me get rid of those things. Eventually I may be able to blog about my beloved pets who are all gone now, but I don’t know. Theirs are the only pics I saved, along with a few nature shots and the ones that only have me and my daughter in them.

On Saturday, I worked on some crochet items for the business Bestie and I started. But I also need to get started on painting the glassware we purchased for me to go wild with. I can do the intricate work with a small brush and maybe a few smaller poured over pieces for now. But I will need a lot more pouring medium to do the bigger glassware. The paint has to be the consistency of warm honey to flow properly.

I won’t be posting as obsessively as I have been in the last week or so. I finally began editing older poetry and started writing new poems. I don’t follow the normal when it comes to writing. This will be a collection of unconventional poetry, unsent letters, my personal history and musings from a chaotic mind. I may even include the few song lyrics I have attempted. But with heavy revision because I really am not great at writing lyrics LOL

The publishing world is a hard place to break into. I’m not new to writing, been doing it most of my life. Fictional short stories, the fan fiction from hell… (which actually has some great material but would have to be heavily edited). However, I have never tried to publish anything yet.

Maybe I can go the self-publishing route, but that would involve learning how to create e-books in the correct format. And dear readers, I am not amazing at computers and technology. Nor am I made of money, so hiring someone is out of the question. I may have to enlist the help of my daughter. 21 years ago I taught her to use a computer. Now, she’s my tech support and has even built her own computer and modified mine.

In a way, this collection I’m working on, is like therapy and journaling all in one. And I decided to try and make it bilingual. As if writing it all and preparing to maybe share it with the world wasn’t difficult enough. What can I say?

In some ways I am a masochist. Pain, tragedy and darkness are something I am intimately acquainted with. Not everyone can be all love and light. I will be love and darkness with a little bit of light thrown in. Everyone says to write what you know. I know the abyss so well it was hard to find where it ended and I began, at times.

I’ve also thought about maybe doing more things for my YouTube channel. Art stuff. Maybe me reading the things I’ve written with pretty background pictures and music. I don’t know yet. My voice gets tired from talking to people at work all day.

Maybe if I could find large containers of mangoes in juice like I used to use when I attempted vocal adds to music. I don’t know what it was about mangoes but, even when my voice was already starting to fail, (from Hashimoto’s and several rounds of severe bronchitis), I was able to eat mangoes and sing with Kyo of Dir en Grey and a few other people. Not amazingly well. But it wasn’t complete shit either.

Most of those vocal adds didn’t survive. They were on my old computer’s hard drive and it got damaged. And I find it difficult, all these years later, to listen to the ones that I still have. I started with adding my vocals to other artists voices, trying to get comfortable singing in English and Japanese. Because the lyrics I was writing were bilingual and I wanted to create music for them and sing/record my vocals.

Sadly, music production is like algebra, calculus or trigonometry to me. Impossible to understand. For someone as logically minded as me, all the tech/science/math stuff is beyond my powers of comprehension. Words are my thing. So is abstract art. And deep diving into the meaning behind the words.

Anyway, this day was one of the Mondayest Mondays I’ve had in awhile. We had three head honchos from Corporate visit today and basically tell us everything we were doing wrong. None of it pertained to me personally, it was mostly the new manager getting the talking to.

I’ve been hyper and upbeat at work for weeks now and it’s very draining. Home is my safe space. Where I can recover from wearing the “great customer service” mask. 3:30 am comes too soon, and I once again will drag on the armor necessary for entering the battle. After all, my regular, daily customers expect their favorite cashier to be happy to see them.

So I am going to end this blog here and go to bed early. Good night, everyone.

Thanks for reading!

Amanda