May 29, 2026   3:43 pm

Ah, the first day of my vacation. I actually slept in, until 5 am. My body thought I was late for work and told me it was time to be awake. I don’t mind. I try to keep on my work sleep schedule, even on my normal weekends. The tendency to be a night owl is too strong if I don’t.

Today my daughter and my bestie gave me presents and Bestie took us out to lunch at our favorite little diner. Normally I hate getting presents because it feels like everyone is watching for a great reaction, which I am not good at and never have been. But my two favorite humans in the world don’t make me feel uncomfortable with their gifts. Probably because they know me better than anyone else. Quirks and all, they get me.

My kid got me two metal signs (that I have since hung from my bookcase). The presents were bought before my headphones broke, so it’s interesting that I got that sign for my birthday… my kid knows me very well. She also got me a pack of the long tip lighters, because those are way easier than trying to light candles with a cigarette lighter or matches.

The second gift is a candle scented with Bergamot and Orris. Bergamot is used in my favorite tea- Earl Grey. Orris comes from the aged roots of Iris flowers… (my third favorite flower after tiger lily and lilac) they have to age and dry for 3-5 years before the highly concentrated orris butter can be extracted from the roots, making it one of the most coveted ingredients in the fragrance world. (Yes I looked it up because I didn’t know what scent it was) She was hoping I was okay with the white candle. When it comes to candles I don’t mind white at all. And the jar it’s in is a beautiful frosted glass with a flower motif. The crow part of my brain is very happy with a new pretty glass vessel.

 I only choose to not use a lot of pale colors in my clothing and household items like plates etc. I don’t like to use white yarn, but that’s just personal preference, and at times the contrast is warranted to make the item come together. Just like in my paintings. Black and white are the only colors that you can throw another wild color into and it makes that little bit of color the centerpiece or blends into varying shades of that color from darker to lighter.

My bestie knows me well too. She ought to after 30 years of friendship/ sisterhood! In the first pic are the two candles she got me, an ultramarine blue rose in a glass dome, an adorable, rainbow squishy dumpling (which I guess is all the rage now), and the little green ceramic mug. It’s the perfect size for a shot of pickle juice (used for balancing the water/electrolyte intake). Right now it has my vape sitting in it. The black glass candle is scented with palo santo wood, sage and incense, and the red glass candle is sweet pea and pomegranate.

The next pic definitely explains her sudden interest in the NUL album covers a few months ago… a personalized mug with the Tribrid Archive and AVA album covers on it. It was easier for the person printing the cup to only use two of the three images, I think. Either way, I have a NUL mug to take to work now! Whoo hoo!!! The original album artwork is the property of Hizumi and no infringement was intended.

The final pic is the present that made me tear up, not gonna lie. I’m usually the one making things for other people or have to make things for myself. But my bestie made me this absolutely gorgeous, soft blanket. It simultaneously reminds me of winter (cozy warmth and cool white/grey of snowy skies) and also the ocean with its myriad shades of blue. The black for contrast really makes those blues and grey/whites stand out. The picture doesn’t do it justice because my lighting sucks but it’s beyond stunning! And I know just how much work goes into making a blanket this size. A treasured gift.

To be honest, I never thought I would make it to 50 years old. My body is the only part of me that believes it is 50 (or older). It stops me from carrying on like I’m 20 and invincible. However, I’m not dead yet. I have some living left to do so y’all are stuck with me. For the sake of total transparency, here is a pic that hasn’t been edited in any way except for cropping the edges so you don’t see all my crap in the background LOL.

This is what fabulously feral 50 looks like. I may not be young and firm any more, but I am still pretty without makeup and filters. I have a freckle above my eyebrow, a mole on my nose, a scar under my lip and a dimple in my chin. This is who I am. I will not try to remain youthful and slather myself in makeup and fake eyelashes/ nails etc just to please anyone. Because that’s not me anymore. That was the bar hopping me of my early 20s who was looking for love in all the wrong places. I don’t want to be her, I want to be exactly who I am today. I’ve survived 50 years and I’m fucking proud of it.

My late birthday present to myself will be buying both the digital and physical cd (from overseas) of NUL’s soon to be released 4^th album. Digital so that I can have it on the release date, and the phsyical cd for my collection display (and a back up source, in case somehow the digital files get corrupted). Besides, I really like the album artwork and the actual kanji lyrics in the liner notes. The lyrics and liner notes are an important part of an album, in my opinion.

Another blog will be posted either today or tomorrow, depending on how long it takes me to write. This one took way too long. My eyesight is a little wonky today.

Thank you for reading!

5:49 pm

PS- forgot to add the pic of me as a young, stoic child that I reference in the next blog… oops.

I did share it on Twitter, but was going to add it here as well to compare the me from childhood to the me of now.