I apologize to anyone who doesn’t read English, but I’m unable to find the energy to translate this blog. I’m on night six of my 7 night stretch at work, and feeling a bit rundown… exhaustion plus exposure to bleach at work, yet again.

So idk if anyone remembers. It was 14 years ago when I became obsessed with a song called Yuri. The band was Candle. I came across them because Miya, the guitarist of MUCC posted about his childhood friend’s band one day on MySpace and I decided to check it out.

The band was comprised of Takashi “Kei” Yamamoto as vocalist/lyricist, Atsushi Isshi on guitar, and Daisuke Baba as programmer/piano.

I used to talk to Kei a lot by email.  And I talked to Baba-san a lot on MySpace.  My ex best friend, Stacie, also wanted to talk to Kei, so I gave her the email (after getting permission). I don’t know what they talked about. I only know what took place between Kei and myself. And I know she was “in love” with him. I don’t know if that had anything to do with why he eventually blocked me on social media and email. And I will probably never know.

But I do know, throughout our friendship, she had jealousy issues. With Kei, with my writing ability, with my singing… so many things that I just ignored. I got along great with Kei, but I also got along well with Baba-san, so I made it seem, to her, that I was more into Baba-san than Kei. Just to keep her from being jealous. To me, talking with them both was just fun and friendly. I considered them both friends.

I didn’t know what this song meant when I became obsessed with it. Even with Kei providing the kanji lyrics, the translation program I had at the time was subpar. But I persisted in making a vocal add for the song. I was doing a lot of that in those days, back before autoimmune disease completely trashed my voice. A vocal add is where I record myself singing the song, music in my headphones, and then I would mix my vocals track with the original song and singer. Doing that hid a lot of the imperfections that were beginning for me, vocally.

Well, lately I’ve been worrying and wondering what the hell happened. It’s the distant past, but it’s unfinished, hurtful and confusing. Why did Kei cut me off like that? With no warning. Was it because I asked why Baba-san left the band, and how I could get ahold of him? I only did that twice. I don’t think it was obsessive. But I must have angered him. I guess its just something I’m going to wonder about for the rest of my life.

So, I finally added all of my music to iTunes that I have on my computer. And I listened to Yuri again, it brought back so many memories. It hurt to remember, but a lot of good memories too- of the conversations by email, of the recording Stacie and I did and the music video I made from that footage. It took me an entire month to edit and piece together with the vocal add.

I sent the completed video to the band, and Kei gifted me with the karaoke version of the song, praising my work, telling me how much he loved it. I did get a few words wrong in the singing, but it wasn’t very noticable, to me. He even gave me permission to use their music with anything online that I wanted to. At the time it was as a background song on my website. That site no longer exists, because it was tied to me trying to be a singer/songwriter.

Anyway, this was the short version of the events that happened 14 years ago. And I finally retranslated the kanji he sent me, with better programs. I used a combination of Google Lens and DeepL.  At the bottom is also the video for the song, (not the one with me singing) just a badly done slideshow. Music and lyrics are copyright of Candle/ Kei Yamamoto. Without further ado-

『朽ちる日が来る事に気付いている百合』

 作詞／作曲　山本　敬

Kuchiru hi ga kuru koto ni kidzuite iru yuri

The Lily That Realizes That the Day of Decay Will Come

Lyrics/Music by Takashi “Kei” Yamamoto

あの日見上げた空は　深い　深い

沈んでゆく水の底　暗い　暗い

Ano hi miageta sora wa fukai   fukai

Shizunde yuku mizu no soko kurai   kurai

The sky I looked up at that day was deep   deep

The bottom of the sinking water was dark    dark

祈りの調　此処へは届かない

Inori no shirabe (UTA) koko e wa todokanai

The tone of my prayer will never reach here

傷ついた羽集めて　私は自由に飛べるのに

でもアナタは遠く　遠く　儚い

堕ちながら感じていた　コンクリートの部屋の中で

 居るはずもないアナタ　探してしまった

Kizutsuita hane atsumete    watashi wa jiyuu ni toberu no ni

Demo anata wa touku   touku hakanai

Ochinagara kanjite ita    konkuriito no heya no naka de

Iru hazu mo nai anata    sagashite shimatta

I gather my wounded wings , I could fly free

But you are so far away, so far away, fragile

I felt it as I fell,  in this concrete room

I looked for you when you weren’t supposed to be there

焼け付いた匂いだけ　近い　近い

祈りの灯火　此処では灯らない

Yaketsuita nioi dake chikai   chikai

Inori no tomoshibi kokode wa tomoranai

Only the smell of burnt flesh is near, near

The light of prayer won’t come to me here

閉ざされた箱の隙間　此処からは何でも見えるのに

アナタの影白く　白く　見えない

朽ちる日が来る事に気付いている百合の花のようね

夢でもいい　アナタに愛されてみたかった

Tozasareta-hako no sukima  koko kara wa nani demo mieru no ni

Anata no kage shiroku, shiroku… mienai

Kuchiru hi ga kuru koto ni kidzuite iru yurinohana no you ne

Yume demo ii    anata ni aisarete mitakatta

I can see everything from here, through the gaps of a closed box

Your shadow is so white… so white… invisible (I can’t see it)

I’m like a lily that knows its day of decay is coming

Even in my dreams, I wanted to be loved by you

傷ついた羽根捨てて　今なら一つになれるのに

アナタの手は細く　細く　冷たい

 堕ちながら感じていた　コンクリートの部屋の中で

 居るはずもないアナタを　愛してしまった

Kizusuita hane sutete  imanara hitotsu ni narerunoni

Anata no te wa hosoku… hosoku tsumetai

Ochinagara kanjite ita   conkuriito no heya no naka de

Iru hazu mo nai anata o  aishite shimatta

I wish I could throw away my wounded feathers and be one with you now

Your hands are thin,  thin and cold

I felt it as I fell,  in this concrete room

I’ve fallen in love with you, you weren’t even supposed to be here

閉ざされた箱の隙間　此処からは何でも見えるのに

アナタの影白く　白く　見えない

朽ちる日が来る事に気付いている百合の花のようね

嘘でもいい　アナタに愛されてみたかった

Tozasareta-hako no sukima   koko kara wa nani demo mieru no ni

Anata no kage shiroku, shiroku  mienai

Kuchiru hi ga kuru koto ni kidzuite iru yurinohana no you ne

Uso demo ii anata ni aisarete mitaikatta

I can see everything from here, through the gaps of a closed box

Your shadow is so white… so white… invisible (I can’t see it)

I’m like a lily that knows its day of decay is coming

I don’t care if it’s a lie, I wanted to be loved by you

Below is also the picture Kei posted on Twitter (now X). It’s one of the lilies we used in the making of the music video. I mailed it with a package to them, for Christmas the last year I talked to them. He posted- December 24, 2010 promise… lily… good night!

Also, here is a picture of the band, the cover for their single “Yasashii Ame”. From left to right- Kei, Atsushi, Daisuke (aka Baba-san).

I guess, this is where I end this post. Thanks for taking a trip down memory lane with me… even though the lane is full of potholes and sharp curves LOL