July 9, 2026  6 am CST

I did not intend for today to start off with an Adele song making me cry, but here we are. I may write a blog about that at a later date, but this is to be the blog I promised about what happened yesterday to make me sick. Fair warning, it’s a long one because there is a lot to explain. And I don’t have the mental capacity, at this time, to try translating. My body is in overdrive.

So, dear readers, I have mentioned all over social media (and possibly here as well) that I work in a convenience store. I’ve been there 4 years as of February. I am now on my 6^th manager. I used to work the overnight shift (11 pm to 7 am) but that changed a year ago. I tried closing shift (4 pm to 11pm) but when the opportunity to become the opener (4:45 am to noon) came about, I took that position. Mainly because those hours of work gave me plenty of off work time to for my creative life. Which has been neglected for far too long.

Every manager I’ve worked for has been informed about my bleach allergy. It’s not just bleach, it’s most chemicals and perfumes.  With my particular autoimmune disease, there is a high probability of a comorbidity condition called MCAS. Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. It often overlaps with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity… which I definitely have. Dealing with customers who come in drenched in scents is hard enough. But when you add cleaning products to it that are toxic and highly scented… it’s disaster in the making for me.

Years ago, before my autoimmune disease surfaced, I worked at a veterinary clinic as the kennel manager. I cleaned with a mix of Sanifect and Bleach. All the counter and floor surfaces, all the kennels, and even the laundry, food and water bowls. In the unfortunate cases of an animal having parvo, we had to clean the isolation kennels with straight bleach, no dilution. This is how I developed my overexposure allergy. I loved that job but ultimately had to leave after a year and a half because of this.

Hashimoto’s Tyroiditis, (my particular autoimmune disease) causes the body to produce elevated thyroid antibodies. My immune system is attacking my thyroid, causing a multi-nodular goiter (enlargement of thyroid gland with fluid filled cysts). The thyroid is a small, butterfly shaped organ in the neck that affects every organ and tissue in the body. To put it simply, the thyroid keeps every other organ and system working at peak efficiency when it is properly working. Cardiovascular, neurological, digestive, hormones… all of it.

The autoimmunity comes in because my body thinks everything is trying to kill it ALL THE TIME. Those antibodies directly bind to mast cells (a type of white blood cell responsible for allergic responses) and causes them to become highly unstable and over-reactive. In most of my blood work I’ve had over the years, my white blood cell count is higher than the lab’s range of normal. Indicating my body thinks it’s fighting infection somewhere even when I’m not actively experiencing symptoms.

When you breathe in volatile organic compounds (VOCs) from perfume or chemicals, these hypersensitive mast cells flood your bloodstream with inflammatory chemicals like histamine, resulting in the symptoms I experience often. Because people around me just don’t give a flying fuck about anything outside of themselves. Mainly respiratory and neurological symptoms like- shortness of breath, asthma attacks, nasal congestion, dizziness, headache etc.

When we had an temporary manager (number 3 since I started at my place of employment), she didn’t believe me about the bleach making me sick. And, dear readers, that is when I ended up in the emergency room, mostly dead. With a nasty case of pneumonia deep in both lungs, compounded by my severe anemia that required a blood transfusion. Four days in the hospital, on oxygen, three IV antibiotics, two in pill form plus steroids is the only reason I made it. February of 2025. Because of repeated, prolonged exposure to bleach it made me so sick I almost died.

That is not an exaggeration. And that is ultimately what made me realize I can no longer ignore my medical needs for the benefit of keeping the peace at work. Managers 4 and 5 completely understood and supported me. But this latest manager?

I get it. This is her first time being a store manager so she’s trying to prove she’s worthy of the position. She’s only 26 and she is going “by the book” as far as corporate policy. But I informed her, at the beginning, of my issue and she seemed to understand. She took every aspect of my job from me except standing at the register waiting on customers. It was hard because I was so used to doing everything myself. But the cooler time was my sanctuary, where I went to blast music and recalibrate my overstimulated mental and emotional systems. That’s been the hardest to let go of.

When we had a blood situation in the men’s bathroom last week, she said she would clean it up so I didn’t have to be exposed to bleach. Bio-hazard spills, especially blood, need to be cleaned with bleach. I have no problem with that. It’s safety protocol. I just can’t be exposed to it. She acknowledged my medical issue and worked with it.

And then on Tuesday, all the corporate head honchos, plus all the vendor head honchos came to the store. We are getting ready for RAGBRAI which is a big deal I guess. A bunch of people on bicycles riding across the state for some reason.

Our District Manager decided to clean some of the shelves with bleach, without telling me beforehand. When I put my mask on and just stared at him he realized what he had done and asked me to go outside to check all the garbages and empty them. He knew of my issue but forgot, so when he realized it, he gave me a reason to step outside to breathe fresh air. The mask doesn’t stop exposure, just slows it down and makes it less impactful.

Then yesterday happened. Wednesday. It was an extremely busy morning. The manager was out of town helping another store unload their truck, so she asked her (newly appointed) second assistant to come in at 7:30 am to help me on registers.  This woman knows of my medical issue as well, but we will get to that in a minute.

So this second assistant casually walks in the door at 8:15, almost an hour late. Sadly this is her normal. In the year that she’s been there, I can count on one hand the amount of times she’s not been late. And she’s never been written up or reprimanded in any way.

I had ten people in line at the register and a few others wanting to order food from the kitchen. The kitchen manager had to leave at 8 am to take his wife to work because they are down to just one car. This has been an ongoing thing for awhile and is the reason the manager asked this woman to come in at 7:30.

And I was handling it like the pro I am. Until she asked me why there wasn’t anyone in the kitchen. When I told her why she told me not to get sassy with her. Bitch… what? I answered your question, I was swamped with customers and you waltz in late, not in a hurry to help out when you see I need it? And then tell ME not to get sassy?? You got me fucked up.

But I didn’t throat punch her like I wanted to. Instead I kept my cool, kept doing my job and kept playing the music that kept me in a good mood. And that lasted for most of my shift, even after the manager finally made it in. Until 11 am. One fucking hour left.

The previously mentioned employee, (second assistant), decided it was time to clean all the counters. With bleach. Knowing I can’t be around it. She didn’t warn me, didn’t tell me to mask up, nothing. Just started spraying bleach all over the place. I put my mask on and said, “Really, Mia? You know I’m allergic to bleach and you couldn’t even warn me?” She smirked and sprayed more bleach onto a cloth right at the registers where I was.

So I went to the kitchen, where the manager was helping the kitchen person with orders and filling the warmer. I told her I had to leave because I was getting sick from all the bleach. I had to use my inhaler which only helped a little bit. I was seeing spots before my eyes, even with a mask on. She asked me to wait a moment so she could talk to me.

A few minutes later she came up to the registers and I told her I needed to leave. She then proceeds to tell me, “We have to clean with bleach. Sanitizer isn’t going to cut it.” Excuse me, what? Then what is the purpose of sanitizer? Then she asks me if there has ever been documentation filed with the company for my particular issue. And when I said no, she told me I need to get the documentation because they aren’t going to just take my word for it. Which I do not have a problem with providing. I have a problem with the complete disregard and disrespect shown to me.

I don’t have a doctor because I can’t afford insurance. But I made an appointment with my daughter’s doctor to start as a new patient. So that I can get this documentation. Bestie has offered to help pay. The doctor’s office will work with me on a payment plan, which I really can’t afford, but I have to make room for it in an already severely tight budget. Because I swore that my health would come before everything else.

I do not want pneumonia again. The next time might actually kill me. After many years of hyper-overdrive immune system, many rounds of the flu and bronchitis, two rounds of covid and the bad pneumonia just over a year ago… my body is beyond its limits. And daily exposure to all the chemicals of the public masses is pushing me further into the danger zone.

I love a lot of aspects of my job. I, a formerly anti-social creature who hated being around people, is actually pretty good at working with the public. Yes it can be draining. But this job has also taught me how to control my temper, how to relate to people and how to be a kinder person.

I left work at 11 am. Mia and Sam better thank whatever god they believe in that I didn’t give in to the absolute rage burning inside me. Because I wanted to. I haven’t been like this in a long time. I hate feeling that way because it scares even me, let alone the person on the receiving end. To say the darkness descends over me, a black rage wanting vengeance, and my voice drops an octave… that’s not an understatement.

Even though I felt extremely sick, I had to drive around for a few minutes blasting music, so that I could calm down before coming home. The rage in me was so bad I was shaking for almost an hour after the incident. And I didn’t want to subject my daughter to the initial rage. She’s seen it before and it terrifies her, even though it’s not directed at her.

And when I got home, I told her I was angry and needed a few minutes to calm down before I could tell her about it. So while I waited I took an extra allergy pill and some naproxen for the headache brewing. I felt like I was burning up, and she confirmed I was very warm to the touch.  I took my temperature and it was 101 degrees F. Which is not how it normally goes. Sometimes it can take hours for a reaction to develop and for the fever to arrive after exposure to allergens.

I made an appointment for Friday with the doctor to establish care and get the medical note about my condition. Then I called and made a report against my manager and the employee. I’m not playing anymore. Those two fucked around and now they are going to find out. I am not the one to be fucking with.

I requested, and was approved, to take today and tomorrow off using sick time to cover the hours I can’t work. Because my body cannot handle one more exposure this week. I don’t feel as bad today, but I am weak and slept like shit because my nerves were zapping all night long. And when the nerves are zapping through my body randomly, it hurts and makes my limbs spasm violently. I had to take a seldom used hydrocodone to control it enough to pass out for a few hours. Thankfully my lungs are okay, and the fever hasn’t returned.

So the changes coming? I’m going to comply with policy and get the documentation needed. They will legally have to accommodate my health issues. If they violate them, the company (and persons actively not accomodating) can be sued. Would I do that? Fucking right I would. Because no job, no company is worth dying for.

But this has also made me realize that it really is time to move on to another place of employment. And not in the same line of work. Because I would have to go through all of this with that staff as well. With any job I apply for, I would have to be upfront about the accommodations needed. I have been in denial for a long time, not wanting to venture into the unknown because I have bills to pay. I have to be responsible and the adult.

I would love to not have to work outside the home. I would love for my creative endeavors to make enough to pay the bills. But realistically, this is not the case at this point in time.

While I am complying with this company’s policies, I will finally be looking for a new employment opportunity. It’s time. I have stayed stuck and stagnated out of fear of it being the same everywhere else. And the sheer amount of exhaustion and stress I’ve been under for so many years, has kept me in recovery mode in my down time. Again, partly why my creativity gets pushed aside. I just don’t have the energy for it.

Enough. This is my breaking point. And I’m not going to do this to myself anymore. I’m worth more than that.  8:25 am